Part of the deal with our animal companions is that one-day we might have to decide when it is kind to let them die. It will not be an easy or happy choice we make. We make this choice out of love for them. When is it the right time to make this choice? That can be a difficult answer. With our first dog, the vet told us that he could not recover. The dog my family had when I was in high school had gone to the groomers one day, came home and went to her bed and died. Sometimes we have to make the choice at other times, we don’t, but we must be prepared when faced with a very ill pet. We have to decide what a good life means for them. Do they have all their faculties? Do they know who their humans are? Are they in pain? Do they still want to be social? Are they eating? Are they getting sick? These are the kinds of questions we need to think about when faced with an ill animal companion. They depend on us, and we need to be dependable.
When my husband and I purchased our first home, we made sure we had a backyard so that we could have a dog. One of our hotly debated topics during our courtship and into our first years of marriage was what kind of dog would we get. Would we get a terrier or a sheltie? My husband changed my mind and I am now a sheltie lover for life. We loved our first little dog so much. Baraq was a delight to us and a source of great comfort during the bombing in Serbia and again when the towers fell on September 11, 2001. He was also some kind of celebrity in the neighborhood. One day in Gage Park, a little girl came up to us and asked if he was Baraq. We were confounded. To this day, we do not know how he had become so well known in the neighborhood. He had a hard time when we brought home our first son. Once he found a job, he was OK again. A sheltie without a job is an unhappy sheltie. One day, he could not get up. It was a Wednesday morning, and my husband was taking out the garbage. Baraq loved taking out the garbage. He loved barking at the new garbage bags. He could only just raise his head and try to get up. That was the morning we took him to the vet and put him to sleep. What a good little dog he was and how his death still brings me to tears.
Part of the deal with our animal companions is that one-day we might have to decide when it is kind to let them die. It will not be an easy or happy choice we make. We make this choice out of love for them. When is it the right time to make this choice? That can be a difficult answer. With our first dog, the vet told us that he could not recover. The dog my family had when I was in high school had gone to the groomers one day, came home and went to her bed and died. Sometimes we have to make the choice at other times, we don’t, but we must be prepared when faced with a very ill pet. We have to decide what a good life means for them. Do they have all their faculties? Do they know who their humans are? Are they in pain? Do they still want to be social? Are they eating? Are they getting sick? These are the kinds of questions we need to think about when faced with an ill animal companion. They depend on us, and we need to be dependable.
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You know you need to make a funeral plan, but you don’t know where to begin. Here’s a simple outline to get you started:
Who:
Today, nearly fifty percent of Americans are opting for cremation. In 1958 the percentage was more like twenty-eight percent. We once were more likely to embalm and bury the body. Now we are trending towards cremation. Cremation provides the family many more options and flexibility than the more “conventional” embalming. Because the industry has not offered consumers many options, the consumers now choose cremation -the option that is cost effective and offers more flexibility. Things are shifting. Even the Green Burial Council endorses cremation. A shift has occurred, and it is not necessarily a good one.
People and corporations that form the death care industry will most likely want to maintain their profits. That is natural for business. Everyone needs to put bread on the table. No one should be shocked that with the shift of Americans seeking cremation we have a shift in pricing. This is to be expected. Funeral Consumers Alliance recently released a report on cremation pricing in several parts of the US. According to the report funeral homes using a third party for cremation might price direct cremation one way and add on to the bill the fee the funeral home accrued from the third party for preforming the cremation. Make sure, if this is the way your family has decided to go, you ask about this possible pricing increase. Cremation has shown the industry that families are not interested in what has been seen as “conventional” funerals or burials. We are an ever-changing society. We have always been a society on the move, and that is as true today as it has ever been in the past. Maybe with the shift from embalming, a more traditional and environmentally friendly burial option might also begin to change the landscape of the death care industry. It took a long time for cremation to begin change to the industry. Maybe natural burial will take as long. I hope not. I find it fascinating that cleaning and preparing the body naturally after death is still not easy to obtain for families who wish to have a simple funeral and burial. If this option is offered, often the funeral home will not “allow” an open casket, even though it is legal and science supports it. For those living in free states, they can opt out of dealing with the death care industry. For the rest of us, we need to be aware of our rights, shop around and make the best choices we can for our family. I saw my first tree with color yesterday. I think that’s good for us in the North. I have for the last few years seen early color in the trees. They say that early color change does not indicate a rough winter, but I have noticed in my brief life that it does. I began to think about the winter coming and how we hunker down and wait for the winds to die down. Life is rough in the North in winter. We, who know snow and frigid temperatures intimately, know the isolation that winter brings to our lives. Fall reminds us winter is coming. I love the Fall. I love the colors and I love sweaters. I love apple cider and the slight nip in the air. I love it all. I know not everyone does. When the first tree begins to change, we know the light will start to fade. We begin to prepare for the coming season of winter. This time of year we see many memorial festivals in different cultures and religions. Fall might just be a good time to sit down and chat with your family about your end of life wishes. Our family has an ongoing conversation about death. Not everyone is as comfortable with the topic of death. While the topic of death is not fun, it is an important one to cover with those closest to us. Just this week, I accompanied my mom to the doctor. We had to fill out forms for healthcare power of attorney and a form that allowed her to have a say in end of life choices. We breezed through these fairly quickly, because we had taken the time before hand to talk about these decisions. Find the time now to talk about these kinds of decisions before you are met with real decisions. Decide what kind of care you think is appropriate for your end of life. What kind of death do you want? What kinds of things are OK to sustain life? How do you wish to live out your final days? Do you want to die at home or the hospital? Talk to your loved ones about what life means to you and when it is no longer life. These are tough conversations, but they are essential to have. You do not want to have people guessing when your life comes to the close just what you thought about life and death. People carry terrible guilt with them because they just do not know the answer to this question – When is it OK for my loved one to let go of this life? Our loved ones need to know. They need to feel that they have made a decision you would agree with. We live in wonderful times. We live longer and can prolong life, but with this come the burden of making tough choices. Be kind to those who love you and speak to them about how you feel about the end of life. |
Caroline Vuyadinov
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